Day 53: Will This Be The Last Post?

...for a couple of days, that is. 

The answer is: I don't know! Tomorrow afternoon we leave with the kids for the camp until Saturday, and I won't bring my computer. I'll have my phone, but it may or may not work to write blog posts at night there. We'll see! 

So, if I don't, just know, I'm not dead or anything.

Today was pretty chill. I woke up and went for a run. 3 miles (green box!), but it wasn't a very good 3 miles. I walked about a third of the last mile, off-and-on. But, I ran some extra afterwards, and, I reached one of my other working-out goals today, so, good start to the day. That puts me at 3/5 goals. I'm the most worried about that 5k time. I'm going to run another timed 5k tomorrow, then there's only 1 (or maaybe 2) more before I leave. I don't think I can chop off 3 whole minutes.

Anyway, came home, showered, did some laundry (sheet from our guys' team). We cleaned the house today. My job was the kitchen. It was fine, we got it all done and the house will hopefully be in good order after our camp.

Also went to the store with Izzy today to get some snacks for the camp. She asked me how I was feeling after our crazy week, which was encouraging. She and James (last week) checking on how I'm feeling is very kind. I love seeing team members take ownership like that, and also it encourages me because I often feel unseen. I get confused because I feel uncomfortable when people see me and check on me, but I can also tell it does my heart good. I've talked with Rollin some about this and Alexis a lot too. I feel pretty confident that I don't want to be seen; I even will do things like try to sneak out when I am going running. Maybe it comes from a desire for freedom or feeling like I can make choices that don't affect other people. Maybe it's because I worry that all my choices have an impact on others and I fear hurting people by making bad choices. So, I want to be able to be unseen, but something in me also wants to be seen. I guess what I want is to know that I am seen, but not have it acknowledged publicly because that feels weird. 

So, there's some insight into me. Understanding that will make a lot of my life choices make more sense, even if the desire itself doesn't make sense.

We watched some Ted Lasso as a team. I love that show. I think I forgot to eat anything but M&M's and chips today. Hm. Not ideal, I suppose. Maybe I'll go get a sandwich. But I could also just go to bed. I still feel tired, even though I got a nap today.

Oh, yeah, I got in a nap this afternoon; post-laundry, pre-Lasso.

Matthew was sick today, which is sad. Nothing major, but I think he'll need to stay home the next few days and have to miss the camp. This is sad, because I don't like him being sick, but also he'll miss an opportunity to minister to the kids, but also also because he's a powerful part of our team. Maybe pray for him. Who knows, he could feel all better tomorrow and still go maybe. 

I got to (unexpectedly) text a bit with Alexis tonight, and it was really fun. I think maybe the little positive moments of connection and enjoying each other are more important in a relationship than the Big Moments of taking steps together. I say that because, I think almost anybody can get things right for a Big Moment. Like, a big moment could go well and a relationship could still be unhealthy. But, the true nature of things shows in the mundane, day-to-day things. This applies to all relationships, especially relationship with God. What you do in the valleys or peaks matters, but that's usually decided by what you do in-between. Is that a song? Oh boo, I think I just accidentally referenced a Ben Rector song. 

Yup, "Life is not the mountain tops, it's the walking in-between. And I like you walking next to me."

Or, maybe it's a reference to J. Cole's use of Damian Lillard's quote at the end of "p u n c h i n . t h e . c l o c k"

Anyway. I'm gonna go get a sandwich.

PRAYERS

-for our team to walk in step with the Spirit

-for good team dynamic

-for Matthew to feel better!

-for our Balkans team to be blessed
-for the camp (starting tomorrow) to go really, really well
-for the Spirit to move powerfully in the kids' hearts
-for us to all be safe on the trip and when we're there
-for us to care well for the kids
-for our team to have good moments with God

-for language help at the camp

@Travis, I forgot how good they were