Day 26: Anger, Dancing, Connection

(the anger and dancing were not connected. This is neither Footloose, nor Hotrod)

For whatever reason(s), I woke up pretty frustrated today. That's rare, because all the anger-related emotions rarely happen with me, and usually get shut down pretty quickly. I think the positive reason is that I am very good at seeing things from other people's perspectives and am good at giving the benefit of the doubt. Also, I just really want peace, and anger feels like the opposite of peace. Anger is a fairly directed emotion, so I think there's always an object. Whether it's another person, yourself, or situation (which is to say, unprocessed anger at God (hot take? naw, it's just true)), so I can generally get over it. The less positive side is simply that I fear the person I want to be when I'm angry, so I don't.

Anyway, I did not want to run today. It feels like it's not getting much easier and it feels like it's not making any kind of difference in my life. But, the boxes don't care how I feel. They just silently judge me. So, I ran. It wasn't great, but it happened. I had some good insight into how I want to do my teaching Friday (a.k.a. the day after tomorrow), and I talked with God a little bit while running and felt far less upset. 

Showered. Worshiped with Matthew and Izzy in the banyan tree park. We prayed for each other and how we're feeling so far. Came home. Loaded stuff up. Uber'd to Heredia para H@ngout. Our Uber driver talked to me the whole drive about the weather and immigration. Apparently, this is the first year in a while that the rainy season has been "right." The last few years, it hasn't been as rainy. 

H@ngout went well. There were less people than usual, and we had a lot of hot dogs, so everyone ate their fill and more. I got to talk more with Isaac, and Antony came! Next week, Lagos and Ana Raquel will be gone, so it'll be H@ngout hosted by the gringos, but that happens after Friday, so it means nothing to me. Basically, it feels like if I make it to Saturday, the hardest part of this trip will be over for me. That's probably not true, but, honestly, it'll probably still feel true as other challenges come up. "I survived talking, I can handle this." I don't understand why my mind and heart are like that, but they are. 

After H@ngout, I made some leaf piles, so that's definitely interesting to you (I get weird when I am dehydrated, tired, or have felt emotions recently (so, check, check, check)). Then, Esther explained and showed us the systems they have for the devotional times at the CDIs in Honduras. So, next week, we may try to implement a new, more in-depth, more discipleship-oriented system. Again, that happens after Friday, so it's whatevs. 

We decided to head back home to chill for a minute before the movie night tonight. Our Uber driver didn't talk much, but the playlist he was listening to (radio station, maybe?) was straight fire. Every song slapped. I think he really enjoyed laughing internally as his load of gringos sang along merrily. We got home, I talked with Izzy for a while, we made some macaroni and cheese, I went and took a nap. Oh, thank the Lord for naps. I felt better and almost, dare I say, cheerful (almost) after the nap. 

We walked to the CDI and said hello to the Añoranzas friends. Literally everything with them is only one second away from being a dance party. We threw a ball around for a while Gabriel, who looks like he's about 12-13 (idk ages, tbh), and was otherwise unsure how to engage with us. Somewhere in there, it became a mini dance party. I don't like salsa dancing very much, because my feet have never figured out the rhythm. Bachata is much better, but that wasn't happening. 

We put movie titles in a hat, and watched "Soy Leyenda" with Will Smith. Because they're good hosts, they watched in English with Spanish subtitles. Very kind. Much humbled. Georgen was in full-on mom mode; scurrying around making sure everyone was comfortable and had nachos and popcorn and everything ever, lol. The movie was fun. Afterwards, I helped Georgen clean up a bit, and another dance party broke out. Some of our team was ready to go home, but got pulled into dancing, so I got to clean up a bit more. We said bye to everyone fairly quickly, because we're American, and headed home. Georgen me dijo que anytime we want to hang out with her crew, we should let her know. I think she likes us (obvi) and wants us to have more influence on her team. They feel very much like a community, I wonder how they would interact with the H@ngout crew. I may try to plan something to pull everyone together. A dance party would be easy, but then I'd have to dance. Anyway, we'll see. 

We walked home and watched an episode of Task Master (BBC Comedy), because the movie had sad/scary feels. It was funny. 

I scooped some macaroni into a tupperware. I spilled some macaroni on the floor. I cleaned the floor. I scooped some more macaroni into a ziplock bag. That'll be what we serve at the CDI tomorrow (the tupperware and bag macaroni, not the floor macaroni). 

By the time I blog about having taught on Friday, we'll be 40% done with our time here. It's moving along more quickly as we've gotten a rhythm. It's to the point that I need to think about what things I want to see happen here to view it as a success, or else I'll end up letting it slide by. 

I had a dream that I tried to get or got a tattoo while I was here, but couldn't understand the language or something. I don't remember. I rarely remember anything about dreams, tbh. 

Still nervous and low-key freaking out about Friday. I'm avoiding working on it because it makes me nervy. So, I need to take time tomorrow after the CDI and really focus on it. I'll have time to practice and tweak Friday, but need to get it in good shape pronto. 

Katie seems to be feeling less sick, so thanks for your prayers!

Speaking of:

PRAYERS
-for us to live in step with the Spirit
-for good team dynamics
-for Lagos and Ana Raquel to feel God's love and provision for them
-for our time here to be spent wisely
-for good connection opportunities with everyone
-for me to engage well with God
-for my teaching on  F R I D A Y 

Ready for that high-quality picture content you came for?

That is a twig with a bunch of leaves stabbed onto it.
It is surrounded by piles of leaves.
There's another, smaller twig-ka-bob and circle on top of it.
I promise I'm not on drugs.