Day 9: Sabbath

For years, I decided the American Evangelical Church had gotten things severely wrong with respect to the concept of sabbath. I've had many conversations with people who have listened to some podcasts by John Mark Comer, or other popular pastors and speakers about the right way to do a sabbath (it's ok, don't worry, not about to come at any of them). I felt very confident that we had gotten the idea of sabbath mixed up with ideas on healthy self-care. 

Boundaries, rhythm, self-care, and the like have never been my strong point or made much sense to me, but I recognize I am too far to one side of the spectrum. However, most people seem to me to be too far the other way. American Christianity seemed (seems? I'm writing in past tense, but...) to have turned sabbath into a way to make following Jesus comfortable and possible in one's own strength. If my sabbath consists of me sleeping late, eating some good food, spending time with friends who only build me up and don't cost, doing some hobbies I love, and...oh yeah! spending some time with Jesus... it seemed like I'm being fed and sustained by a healthy life rhythm that isn't too demanding rather than Christ. "Don't pour yourself out, live from overflow." "Avoid toxic people that drain you." These things carry the smell of prosperity gospel, comfort Christianity, live-your-best-life-now type of religion that grates against my design. 

Is it my design though? My desire is to be poured out like a drink offering (2Tm4:6), only surviving and sustained by the unquenched spring of the Spirit of God living inside of me (Jn4:14). I don't want to pour out and then go be refilled, and I don't want to sit under the faucet and only give what flows over the top; I want the Holy Spirit to be a water hose that flows through me as I live upside-down, pouring out everything, but never running out. I want my life to never make sense except for the activity of the Spirit of God. I want to collapse across the finish line of life, not jog in looking fresh and feeling rested. 

I see Jesus serving, doing good, and ministering on the sabbath. I see him seeking time alone, but when crowds find him, choosing to minister to them before he rests. I see him saying sabbath is made for man, not man for the sabbath; telling the religious of his day that sabbath was meant to be a blessing for people, not a burden (and i would say, not an excuse to avoid loving and serving). 

And (here's the turn, for those who are concernt or feel @'d) I see God commanding us to honor the sabbath, to keep it holy (set aside for him), I do see Jesus pulling away to be alone with God. I see the tendency in my heart towards self-righteousness and trying to earn God's love. I see Jesus telling Martha to chill out. I see Jesus saying his yoke is easy and his burden is light. And, in July last year, God asked me to take a deliberate time each week to stop Doing with (or for) him and practice Being with (or in) him. 

So, I think that all of following Jesus comes down to a series of tensions, and I think this is one of them. I still think western Christianity goes too far sometimes, and I know I go too far the other way most of the time.

Today was a true, actual day off and sabbath. We started at 5:30 AM, getting ready to send Tesla and Cassidy home. 

We had some trouble getting an Uber, because roads were closed (to fix the internet), but we got it sorted with a little walking, and they got home safely. 

...they got home safely via an airplane, not an Uber. Just in case you were wondering. The Uber was to the airport in Costa Rica. The plane was to the airport in Texas. Kailyn (what a baller) took them from the airport to College Station.  

"Anyway, thank you Sam, that was very helpful." So, after that I went back to bed, then woke up again and hid in my room for a while. I read the staff book on racial gridlock, I read some of Isaiah, I laid around and kinda prayed and thought at God. I feel pretty poorly connected to him right now.

I finally left my room and ate an apple and nodded at other people in the house, then went for a run. I ran for 2 miles again, but with less breaks. My .mp3 player isn't working right now. It turns on and I can pick songs and it will play them, but I can't control the volume and the sound isn't coming through the earphones. Maybe it got rained on. Maybe it will work later.I currently like running with music because I am in bad shape and need the distraction from the fact that I am running. But, I enjoy running in a city with no music, because I get to hear the city move and buzz. 

I came back and cooled down for a while and then took a shower. The team went to grab drinks at Cafe Momo, but I stayed and got to talk on Zoom with Alexis. For a while, Zoom and I were not friends because it made things feel like quarantine again, but I'm grateful for it. I get that 9 days isn't a lot of time, amigos, pero la verdad es que yo le extraño mucho a Alexis. So, it's good, but hard to get to see each other and talk a bit. But it's hard to do things together. My inclination is just to talk about how it sucks to be far apart and fairly busy. But, that doesn't really help. So, our conversation, though really good, felt kinda sad. 

Have you ever heard the song, Boy With a Coin by Iron & Wine? It just came on, and now I'm listening to it. 

Our team made some plans together, mostly about groceries and house rhythms now that we are four. I still feel an unidentified insecurity and... lack of safety, maybe?... in my interactions with our team. It's a very unusual feeling for me. But, gracias a Dios, the team is vibing and moving and excited. This will be a re-start week of learning new rhythms as a new team, and I'm curious to see how it goes. Tesla and Cassidy were a huge blessing to our team, and they will be missed. 

We prepped and ate some leftovers (tacos are always good), and then I watched some of a movie with Izzy and Katie, before dipping out to talk to Alexis on the phone a little more. We talked a bit and then played a game together. It felt really good to get to just do something fun. I think that may be part of what's needed to make distance feel better.

Now I'm listening to Spotify and trying to get a little organized before the week starts.