Day 7: "Uneventful" (a.k.a. almost the end)

Today is another no-wifi night, we’ll see if I get to post. Most nights I’ve just been up late enough that enough people get done watching Netflix or listening to Spotify that the internet clears up. We’ve got multiple groups in the hotel now, and the staff plays music in the lobby based on which group has a prominent presence. Today was all Jamaican music because an athletic group (TKD maybe?) is here from Jamaica. It’s awesome, but the hotel isn’t equipped to handle the internet traffic methinks.

I thought about giving this post a mature-content warning, but I think I’ll just leave out all the details in the stories I heard today. I’ll at least keep it PG-13, but use caution if you get triggered by hard stuff.

This was actually a pretty chill day on the surface. The city side of the team planned and walked to a bakery to get breakfast together, which was delicious and emotionally really nice. And it was nice to get some caffeine for breakfast. Rachel and Sheryl led us to an adorable little bakery. After breakfast we walked to campus and got on the bus to Chepe (San José – I dunno why. I’d Google it for you, but). I’ve come to really cherish the time we spend on the city bus. It forces me to be still, which allows me time to think and process and just enjoy soaking in some real-life tico culture. Today on the bus, Sheryl found some kind of loose wire by holding onto both metal poles inside the bus at the same time and getting a mild zap. Then Jovany had to try it to see how it felt. I was briefly concerned that we were being a nuisance and not blending well, but the ticos around us thought it was hilarious, not annoying. The bus driver wasn’t included in that sentiment, but.

We arrived at the church and I was pro-active to make sure we were ready before anyone came to get interviewed. We got all the seats ready and got the coffee made and the snacks prepped (we had top-notch snacks today for our visitors). I talked strategy with the team, made adjustments from yesterday and generally did a baller job at being a leader (tootootootoo. sorry, did y’all hear a horn tooting?). So, it turned out that no one was gonna come today because there was an event being put on in the park that focused on how to avoid getting the corona virus (have y’all heard about it yet? It’s this flu-like virus going around, so wash your hands! *insert internet explorer meme here*). The event was being put on by an n.g.o. that’s friends with the church here (because they’re both in a small group here – people here that care about the poor. Was that too spicy? Sorry if it was), so we decided to help out (that’s a lot of parentheses).

We made some sandwiches for lunch, packed them up and walked to the park. When we got there, we interviewed a couple of people (mine was tipsy, but wanted us to pray for him) and then walked over to help with the hygiene event. We helped out a little bit and got to get into spiritual conversations with a couple of Nicaraguan guys. One had lost his job and place to live that week, so he was fresh to the street. The other had given up and said he was going to try to sneak back into Nicaragua to be with his family. We talked about all the fear that is gripping the world right now and about hope and God and the gospel and it was good stuff.

We had two of ours need to stay home today, but God really used it for good, both for them and structurally for some things we needed to happen. I was so, so proud of both of them for choosing the thing that was harder for them. Sometimes we need to be kicked in the butt and told to get going, sometimes we need to be held still as we struggle and strive to serve. God is so good at setting situations up to grow us in exactly what we need (usually it’s the option our natural selves desire less).

After a little while we walked back to the church building to have lunch and clean up the building. Then we ate lunch and cleaned up the building. It was good bonding time with Jovany and Don Julio. James and Alex essentially spent the whole day being a huge blessing to the women’s shelter by installing a new sink for them, so we didn’t get to see them as much as I would have liked. Sheryl and I got to ride with Carol to deliver a fridge to a woman who last year lived in the street and this year has a place to live and her own little business. Y’all, this church is being used by God to radically change lives. They dream and plan big and they focus on individual lives. This is creating a slowly building wave of change. Last year it was Don Julio and they were unsure about Jovany. Now it’s both of those men and Gloria (the fridge lady) and a few other guys they aren’t sure about yet. What will next year look like?

I think seeing Gloria and praising God with us for her story stirred up in Carol a desire for God to move even more. She began to tell us stories of the fights that her women fight every day. It’s all dismissed by the culture around her, so she gets defensive of how hard their lives have been. Carol’s heart is so humbling to see. As she told us stories and laid out that all of the women she works with have been raped, abused, given choices between horrible alternatives, and it’s all been dismissed by everyone they know. She has to fight for these women against their own hearts because so many believe it’s their own fault or things like, “that’s just how dads show love to their daughters.” And she fights. And she teaches them to fight. And she weeps. You can see in her eyes that her heart carries deep sorrow, mingled with unshakeable joy as God uses her to change lives. Her ability to cling to hope for change and trust in God’s goodness through everything will mess you up if you ever meet her (applications start in October for next year, folks). And she has a daughter. I can’t imagine how scary that is.

As we were praying tonight, Matthew shared that most of the young men he talked to on campus had no fathers in their lives. I just see this cycle here that breaks my heart. We see the kids in the slum one day, with the innocence of childhood, though most of them have no father figures. I wonder what the future holds for them. Will there be a change? 20 years from now will someone be talking to them in a city park about all the choices they’ve made? Will they escape the cycles of passivity and avoidance of responsibility that ultimately lead to men sliding slowly into forgetting how to be human? Katie shared the other day that one of the students she was talking to said something like, “I hope the man I marry is good and loves God, but I guess we’ll see.” My heart breaks for the women and the men of Costa Rica. And as I sit out here on the balcony, hoping to mooch off the casino’s wifi, I just watch people out and about on a Friday night. Will they be ok?

Yea. Hope and Despair. I guess that’s how it’ll go; the world is polarizing, the illusion of middle ground is slipping. We won’t always have the option to be passive.

We gave Carol all the donations. We had so many y’all. We sorted them again and got them set up so they can be wisely distributed by the shelter and the church. Then some of us rode back to Heredia with Lagos and some of us took the bus. Our city crew had the opportunity to join the campus homies for their end-of-week concert, so those of us that rode the bus stopped by the hotel, then walked over to the restaurant where the concert was. I took us that way and then this way, instead of going this way and then that way, so our road was unnecessarily long and rough. James and Sheryl were very pateint with me. This whole week has been filled with moments where the objective truth was that things would have been easier if I’d done things differently, better. That’s essentially my deepest insecurity as a leader, that I’m going to mess whatever it is up and leave everyone hurt. But, God walked me through this week gently and has steered my heart away from the lies that are calling to me. He’s really good y’all, and that’s the real objective truth. It feels good to be forced to rely on his strength and wisdom; to know that he’s the one doing the work.

Mmmmhm. So, the concert started late, but we managed to get there still later and miss the first little bit. It felt reminiscent of last year, where we didn’t have to wait til we got home for reverse culture shock. We sat in the cute hipster café and listened to Katie, Haley, Matthew, and Allison (they did so good guys, I was so impressed at the combination of quality and realness that’s so hard to find in worship – usually you have to choose one or the other to varying degrees). The concert was essentially a worship night, which is exactly what was needed. But I sat there and ate crepes and soaked in the worship and the ambiance and it was really hard to not feel bitterness on behalf of the men who I was talking to 5 hours earlier who were probably settling in to a spot out of the wind somewhere. Bitterness and guilt. Should I be able to enjoy how good those things tasted with my brothers and sisters would count themselves blessed to find anything? I don’t really have an answer for y’all on that one. I know God is good.

So, walked back, enjoyed time with my team (both sides of it) and started getting the interview information organized (which mostly involved delegation (thanks Kendall, Evan, Rachel!)), got people taken care of and settled in, did some praying, did some debriefing and planning for tomorrow (we usually get an updated version our day’s plan the night before so we can be ready), tried to find some internet.

I feel like the content of my posts has gotten progressively less playful as the week has progressed. If any of you are worrying that it’s indicative of a slow slip into abandoning hope, don’t be. There’s a lot of heavy stuff to process through, but the encouraging thing is that processing is happening. I actually feel really good and am so unspeakably joyful at the things God is doing. And am so proud of this team!

Also, update: the wifi is sort of working (you probably discerned that as you were reading this), but I can't get a picture up. It was a good one too. Sorry boutcha.